Surrogacy is a powerful topic, often met with controversial and conflicting opinions, but at the end of the day, surrogacy has the potential to change lives in big ways. After all, it is the opportunity for many longing parents to have the child they’ve always dreamed of. It is often the answer to a prayer for a family. As with all matters of other people’s business, the topic of surrogacy almost always comes with unsolicited advice.
How to Deal with Unwanted Surrogacy Advice
No matter where you are in the process of becoming a surrogate, those you tell are sure to have questions. Surrogacy can be confusing to some, simply because the information out there is usually delivered in the form of comedic movies or outlandish tabloid tales. Depending on the person you’re talking to, are several tactics to consider.
1. Think About Where the Advice is Coming From
In any conversation you have with friends, family, or even strangers, it’s important to consider the motives behind their words. Are they asking you something ridiculous because they simply don’t understand the process? Or are they offering advice from a critical standpoint? It’s important to remember that much of the truth about surrogacy is unknown to the general population, so it may be worth a moment of your time to kindly explain how it works to those who are truly curious. If you sense that the question or advice precedes a critical opinion, use your judgment to shut down the conversation with a firm, “Yes, thank you.”
2. Find an Opportunity for New Perspective
If your friends are showering you with parenting tips, pregnancy tips, or tips that seemingly aren’t relevant to your situation at all, sometimes all you need to do is listen. It’s human nature to want to share life experiences, and even if the people surrounding you have never had any experience using or being a surrogate, they are sure to feel that your pregnancy journey can benefit from hearing about their own. So, listen, nod, and smile – sometimes you may actually find a gem or two of advice worth keeping. There is always something new to learn.
3. Trust Your Intuition
When it comes down to it, your own knowledge and intuition is what matters most. If you feel inundated with criticism and questions, take a deep breath and remember that outside opinions don’t matter. You (and the intended parents) are the only ones going through the surrogacy process. Your friends and family may never understand how it works, but you do. Your relationship with your agency, the intended parents, and everyone else on your support team is personal to you. Trust your body, trust your gut feelings, and know that what you’re doing is giving an incredible gift – one that not just anyone can give.
Become a Surrogate
If you’ve made the decision to become a surrogate, we’d love to help you on your journey. At SPS, we’ll help make sure you’re matched with intended parents who share your values and will make sure your needs are seen to throughout the process. Please take a moment to review our surrogate guidelines and let us know when you’re ready to move forward.