Women embarking upon the surrogacy process sometimes have minds that won’t quiet. It’s perfectly understandable, considering most intended mothers would prefer to be carrying their own babies. That’s not to say they are ungrateful for their surrogates either. Rather, there’s a complex grouping of emotions at work which few beyond intended mothers can understand and identify with. On this page, we’ll be a bit brazen and unleash some of the most painful thoughts intended mothers have as they begin the surrogacy process, though with time, help, and healing, can all be overcome.
1) “I’m Less of a Woman”
Women who have struggled with infertility or medical issues sometimes feel as if not being able to carry a baby makes them less of a woman. Logically, you know this isn’t true. You’re so much more than the sum of your reproductive organs. If you find yourself feeling this way, imagine that the baby you’re bringing into the world is a little girl. And, imagine that one day she struggles with infertility too. Would she be less of a woman? Of course not. The thoughts you think will eventually become part of your story. If you think this enough, you may start to believe it. Be as kind to yourself as you would be to your unborn baby. You have many years of motherhood ahead of you; a role exclusively reserved for women.
2) “I Won’t Bond with My Baby”
It can be tough to know that another woman is feeling your baby’s kicks and that he or she is hearing the surrogate’s voice. While these things do prime the little one for life on the outside, they aren’t quite the same thing as bonding. It will be you getting up to feed the little one in the middle of the night, changing diapers, and singing lullabies. Those regular everyday activities will create a bond over time. It’s your love and care that develops the mother and child relationship and nothing will ever change that.
3) “Others are Judging Me”
People who don’t understand the surrogacy process can be judgmental. In this day and age, there are literally still people who think the surrogate has to have a romantic encounter with the biological father! You know that’s not how it goes because you’ve familiarized yourself with the process, but others may be hearing the facts for the very first time from you. Moreover, each person walks his or her own path. You’ve chosen this path because it felt right for you. Quite frankly, you owe nobody any explanations, but if you’re worried about how your family and friends will react, start with those most likely to be supportive. Their love will make all the difference in the world.
Begin the Surrogacy Process with SPS
It’s always a good idea to address these kinds of thoughts before you begin the surrogacy process. Moving away from painful thoughts, either on your own or with the help of a professional, will allow you to relax and enjoy the journey more. When you’re ready to start the surrogacy process, Surrogacy Parenting Services is here for you. Call (949) 397-6855 to learn more about or begin.