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December 29, 2017

4 Tips for Surrogates on Bonding with Intended Parents

Surrogates are amazing people who are willing to give a selfless gift to parents who could not otherwise complete their families without them. However, many surrogates wonder what their relationship with the intended parents will be like and how to ensure that the relationship will be comfortable for everyone involved. On this page, we’ll explore some tips for surrogates that will help you get the most joy out of the journey.

1) Talk to Your Surrogacy Agency

There are lots of families who want to grow with the help of a surrogate, and it’s part of the agency’s job to make sure that surrogates are matched with intended parents who have similar values and personalities. At SPS, we spend time getting to know you. Our founder Cristie Montgomery will come to your home to meet with you and talk to you about your goals, wishes, and what your ideal arrangement looks like. From there, she’ll compare what you’re looking for and your personality to all the intended parents who would love to have your help, and will suggest matches she thinks are ideal. Although not every surrogacy agency works in such a personal and mindful way, if you’re working with an agency like SPS, your surrogacy team will be in your corner from the start. By making the very best matches possible, and giving you time to meet and decide for yourself, your relationship with the intended parents will already be off to a great start.

2) Talk to the Intended Parents

It’s ok to let them know what your hopes and wishes are. You’ll all be part of an amazing journey together and you’ll want to be on the same page from the very beginning. It’s also important to listen to them with an open heart and open mind, so you can dialogue about what matters most.

3) Put Yourself in Their Shoes

Surrogates are compassionate women. You wouldn’t have started the surrogacy process if you didn’t already have some understanding of the struggles intended parents face before they seek out a surrogacy agency. However, it can also be helpful to remember that, if these parents could have their own babies, they probably would. They may struggle, feel powerless, or even have jealousy because you can feel the baby’s kicks and they can’t. Some women would give just about anything for a bout of morning sickness. It’s common for intended parents to distance themselves because it’s painful for them to not be experiencing the pregnancy firsthand, while others will want to be involved in every detail. If you can genuinely put yourself in their shoes, and you follow what’s in your heart, you cannot go wrong.

4) Remember Every Bond is Different

Your bond with the intended parents will be as unique as the baby you carry. No two sets of intended parents and surrogates will ever form the exact same relationship. While many pairings SPS makes remain friends even after the baby is born because they’ve been well matched and went on such a personal journey together, there’s no rule that says that’s how it must be. If you and the intended parents are comfortable with your relationship, that’s all that matters.

Learn More About What Surrogates Do

If you think becoming a surrogate is right for you, learn more about the surrogacy process, and check out the requirements to become a surrogate. When you’re ready to begin the surrogacy journey, SPS will guide you through every step, from finding your ideal match to navigating the specifics of your arrangement.