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February 24, 2018

Surrogacy: How to Start the Conversation

While many intended parents are single, and therefore enter into their journey with the support of their surrogacy agency and team, others have spouses, domestic partners, or significant others who may be involved in the decision to go forward and who will ultimately become part of the team as well. With some couples, both people are on the same page from the start and the idea to work with a surrogate seemingly comes to mind for both at the same time. However, it’s also quite common for one person to ponder the idea and bring it up with the other. Given that it’s a very personal and often emotional decision, it can be difficult to decide how to approach the discussion with your partner. If you’re preparing to discuss surrogacy with your partner, use the tips below to help guide the conversation.

Start by Asking Questions

A good way to start the dialogue is by preparing a list of questions that you want to ask your partner. If you’ve been thinking about surrogacy for a long time but it hasn’t yet come up in your relationship, it may be a shock for your partner if you propose the idea out of the blue. Instead, start bringing up the conversation again about having children and gauge where your partner may be. Are they on the same page as you? Do they still love the idea of having a child? Have they been thinking about it since the last time you talked? The answers that your partner gives to these questions will help you steer the conversation toward surrogacy.

Hesitation is Okay

If you’ve proposed the idea of working with a surrogate to carry your child and your partner seems hesitant, don’t worry. It’s a natural reaction to a process that many are unfamiliar with. Surrogacy can seem like a strange concept to those who have maybe only heard of it in celebrity news or read tabloid stories. As you may already know, it’s easy to find the right kind of information about it if you know where to look. It may be helpful to use statements that begin with “I feel…” because they’ll encourage your partner to listen to you and can help you avoid stepping into accusatory language. Equally, you must also respect what your partner is saying and hear him or her out. If you need to pause the discussion because it becomes emotional or your partner isn’t ready to talk, give him or her space to process the idea and come back to the conversation after a while.

Learn About Surrogacy Together

Once you’ve come back to the conversation, share some of what you’ve learned about surrogacy on your own. Have you read testimonials that resonated with you? Share these with your partner and explain how you felt reading them. Browse surrogacy agency websites and blogs for honest stories that can shed light on both the amazing and challenging parts of the surrogacy process. It’s also a great idea to contact a local agency and schedule a meeting to learn more about what the first steps of the process may be for you. As you go, don’t pressure yourself or your partner to make hasty decisions. It’s a good idea to gather as much information as possible on the subject and let it all truly sink in before you make an official decision together.

Get Started with SPS

If you and your partner are ready to begin your journey, contact Surrogate Parenting Services for any of your surrogacy questions. Trained professionals at SPS can guide both you and your partner through the process one step at a time and at your own pace. Sometimes just a conversation to start can help both of you fall in love with the idea of someone carrying your baby. For more information on how to get started, contact SPS at (949) 397-6855 today.