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July 31, 2018

What Should You Call Your Surrogate?

The surrogacy process has a language of its own and knowing the right term for the type of surrogate you’re working with can avoid a lot of confusion. In addition to this, some people prefer to coin their own terms or choose something a little more personalized from the start, so it’s helpful to know which phrases might be appropriate to denote this unique and special bond.

What is a Surrogate?

A surrogate is a woman who carries a baby for someone else. These women come from all walks of life, but they do share a few common traits: they’re compassionate people who love being pregnant and delight in the idea of helping someone else grow their family. The term “surrogate” can be further broken down into two categories—traditional and gestational.

A traditional surrogate is related to the baby.

Historically, women who have been surrogates have been “traditional” surrogates. They not only carried the baby, but it was also their egg which was used to create the baby. This is largely because medicine simply wasn’t developed enough—intrauterine insemination (IUI) was the only option.

A gestational surrogate has no genetic relationship to the baby.

Modern surrogacy involves working with a gestational surrogate. In these cases, the surrogate’s egg is not used. Intended parents may use their own eggs or donor eggs and the surrogate becomes pregnant through in vitro fertilization (IVF) treatment or similar. A woman who fills this role may also be referred to as a gestational carrier.

A surrogate mother can be either a gestational or traditional surrogate.

The term “surrogate mother” can refer to either a traditional or gestational surrogate, though because traditional surrogacy almost never occurs now, those with any familiarity of the process tend to automatically associate the term with gestational surrogacy.

*This should not be confused with the term “intended mother.”  Where surrogacy is concerned, the term “intended” (intended mother, intended father, intended parents) refers to the person or people who are growing their family and will be raising the child.

It’s Okay to Give Your Surrogate an Alternate Name

As you develop a relationship with your surrogate, you may want to select an alternate name for her that conveys a deeper relationship or more warmth. Intended parents who maintain relationships with their surrogates after the baby is born sometimes like to have a special name for the little one to call her that denotes she’s more like family than an acquaintance. Naturally, selecting a nickname or alternate name is something you’ll want to discuss with her as well. The process is akin to a father deciding if he wants to be “Daddy,” “Dad,” “Papa,” “Pops,” or some other variant. Some pick a word that’s meaningful, perhaps a special phrase in another language, while others simply assign her the title “aunt,” or something similar. Ultimately, it’s up to you what to call her, and there’s no wrong or right answer here.

Find Your Ideal Surrogate with SPS

SPS has a rigorous vetting process for surrogates. We go through an in-depth medical assessment before we start anything, making sure she’s healthy and has already had at least one healthy delivery. We also meet with our surrogates in their homes to get a good feel for what they’re really like, and then make sure they undergo a psychological evaluation and medical evaluation before going through with anything. When we feel like we’ve found a good match for you based on your wishes and values, we introduce you and give you both the opportunity to get to know one another before making a final decision. This is why so many of our pairings form lifelong bonds and it’s only the beginning. We’re here to support you through the whole process, so you can focus on your family and enjoy the journey. To learn more about the surrogacy in California services SPS offers or get started, call (949) 397-6855.