It’s probably not the first time you’ve heard us talk about the importance of having a strong support system during surrogacy. But you may still be wondering why it matters so much.
While helping as family grow is an incredibly rewarding experience, pregnancy is still physically and emotionally demanding. A surrogacy journey also includes fertility treatments, additional medical appointments, and plenty of new experiences along the way. Having supportive people around you helps ease the burden so you can focus on what matters most.
Why a Support System Matters
Every surrogate’s support system looks a little different. At the core of your team, you may have a partner, your case manager (who is always available to offer guidance, advocacy, or just an understanding ear), the intended parents, and a team of doctors and mental health professionals looking out for your wellbeing. If you don’t have a partner, that core support may come from another trusted family member or friend.
When we talk about your surrogate support system, we’re talking about the people who are ready and willing to provide both emotional and practical support throughout your journey. Whether it’s a spouse, parent, sibling, best friend, or another loved one, having people you can lean on helps make the experience a little easier—and reminds you that you don’t have to do it all alone.
How Your Partner Can Help
If you have a partner, they’ll likely be one of your biggest sources of support throughout your journey. While every relationship is different, some meaningful ways they can help include:
- Coming to appointments when possible
- Helping with childcare and household responsibilities
- Being there to listen when you’re having a difficult day
- Encouraging you through fertility treatments, pregnancy, and recovery
- Celebrating milestones and reminding you to take care of yourself
While your partner is doing everything possible to support you, you still have a lot on your plate. That’s where family members and friends can step in to help, too.
How Family and Friends Can Help
Some of the people in your support system may naturally provide emotional support, while others may be more helpful with practical day-to-day needs.
Practical support might look like:
- Transportation to appointments
- Childcare while you’re at appointments (or simply in need of some downtime)
- Chores
- Grocery shopping
- Bringing over a meal or checking in after an appointment
Emotional support might simply mean having someone to:
- Listen without judgment
- Offer encouragement
- Help take your mind off everything once in a while
- Respect and support your decision to become a surrogate
You may find that some members of your surrogate support system are great at either emotional or practical support—but not both. And that’s okay! That’s one of the reasons we encourage you to have a system, not just a person.
Don’t Be Afraid to Ask for Help
Once you’ve figured out who you trust to accompany you on this amazing journey, it’s time to have some conversations. Don’t feel like you need to do this all at once. You’re in control of who you want to open up to and when, and your case manager can always offer guidance if you need help navigating those conversations.
Realistically, you may find that when you share your decision to become a surrogate—or that you’re already pregnant—some of your support system will naturally fall into place, with the people who love you stepping into support roles without you needing to ask.
Even so, don’t be afraid to speak up when you need a little extra help. Don’t wait until you’re feeling exhausted or frazzled to reach out. The people who love you want to be there for you.
The reason we encourage surrogates to build and define a support system is that most surrogates, by their very nature, are generous and altruistic women. They’re often hesitant to “put someone out” or “be a burden.” But with a support system in place, you know exactly where you can turn—and where your needs will be met with enthusiastic support.
